And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Non-Jews are for practice
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
