she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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