You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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