Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
