I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
