ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
