Got a toothbrush?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
