Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
