But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
