my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
