I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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