mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You smell like stripper and shame
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
