evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
