My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
