Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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