Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
