Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
