He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
