just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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