the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
