started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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