he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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