If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
