Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
