i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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