the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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