Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
