i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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