I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
