idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
