I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
