Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
