What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
