I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
