Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
