My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
