blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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