I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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