he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
