Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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