Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
