How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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