did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
