i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
