Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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