Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
