Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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