the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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