strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
