so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
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