Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
